Tuesday, February 8, 2011

3 Hours

My hands on the steering wheel. My eyes wandering from left to right trying to follow on the directions that he uttered. We were almost there, he said. He was trying to be the navigator, telling me where to go and where to turn.

We were trying to get a room for a few hours.

It was to be our first time. Our first time to make love.

A couple of turns and intersections, destination was reached. It was nightfall.

The garage door closed down as soon as I got the car parked. A room was ready for us. Jitters. Shiver. Shakes. I was nervous. It was to be my first time in a motel.

I didn't have much time to process what was happening.

He locked the door behind me. There was an ante-room. He reached for the other door and opened it for me.

I noticed the huge bed. White sheets with a crown logo in the middle. Carpet floors. Thick concrete walls. There was nothing in the ceiling except for a huge mirror. One side of the room was all mirrors too.

He walked towards the tube. Switched it on, chose the porn channel before moving back and adjusted the light that came from the side lamps. He moved smoothly in the room, trying to set the tone and brightness of the place where we would be doing something together for the first time.

It got me so nervous. As I began to take off my shoes, I felt my body shaking from the thought that I would be experiencing something with a totally different person. I stared at the mirror and saw myself with a big question on my face. I tried to ask myself if I knew what I was about to do.

His hands touched my shoulders, letting them run down the lengths of my arms. Through the mirror, I saw his already naked frame. His breath i felt behind my head, whispering sweet nothings as he began to pull my shirt up and took it off. He then reached for the button of my khakis, fumbled for it in front and pulled the zipper down.

I helped him pull my pants down to my ankles. I was down to my underwear.

He wrapped his arms around me. I could feel his hardness pressing against me. I felt my knees quivering in sheer excitement. I felt his hands holding my waist. Fingers fixed at the waistband. He was going to take down the last thing I wore.

I didn't know what to expect. But there I was, in a motel room, about to be uncovered by someone who would like to know me more in just 3 hours.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Don't Drop It

I never asked for someone who could offer me the stars in the night. Just someone to lay down and watch them with is enough.

I lay in front of him and rested my head on his chest. He sat behind me, head bent to rest on my nape. He was silent. But his breath came to tickle my ears. Puffs of air constantly touching my lobes as if to whisper to me that he's there. His arms wrapped around my shoulders, my body squeezed between the massive arms that embrace me. He held me tight. I clung to him. We hang on to the moment.

The stars continued to shine for us. They painted the skies with lights to give us shelter for the night. We sought shade under the stars. Our hearts began to wonder what's in store for us in the days to come. We both know that we started something magical. We started to feel comfortable with each other. We started to feel something for each other.

And we just kept still. We remained silent. We listened to the music of our hearts. And it felt great. Being next to him, being with him, tangled in his embrace. And I just didn't want the moment to end. I was enjoying the time with him. I couldn't describe how happy I was then. It felt right.

I'd never felt anything quite like it for so long. We didn't have to say anything. We didn't have to make a sound. We just needed to be still.

In silence, I started to think about the journey I will be taking with him. Short, brief imaginings and what dreams may come. I got excited just be trying to think of things to say to him, of plans I want to share with him, and what places I want to go with him. I was so caught up in the moment.

He stirred. He moved a bit and took out something from his pocket. He pulled out his hand and opened his palm in front of me. I turned around to face him, as he began to unwrap three menthol candies.

He put one in my mouth. He put one in his. "Don't drop these," he said as the last candy was placed between his teeth and fastened with his luscious lips. One half of the candy was already in his mouth. He began to move his lips closer to mine and let me touch the other half with my mouth.

Our lips met once more. They covered the candies that we shared. We kissed once again. I pressed my mouth hard against his mouth, holding his face as I tasted his sweet rich lips. With his tongue, he pushed the candy inside me and I let it roll on my tongue, letting it move around while his tongue invaded my mouth.

He passed on his candy too. As we kissed, there were 3 menthol candies trying to move around our locked tongues. Deep sweet kisses with candies in-between and moving from my mouth to his and back.

I wrapped my arms around him. He held my face. We continued on kissing. He moved his hands from my face, slowly moving down to my chest. I breathed hard as his hands continued to glide down to my waist, then moving to the sides before finally resting on my behind. He pressed his hands hard against my butt and pulled me much closer to him. I held  and hugged him tightly.

I tried to part myself from the kissing. I tried to stop to catch some air and then resume with the kissing. Almost indescribable. It felt so amazing. It felt alright.

And on and on the kissing went.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


It was just the two of us. High up on a hill away from busy nothings of the city. We were there one chilly night, standing by a bamboo enclosure made for those who needed privacy.

It was dark, almost pitch black. He was standing at one end of the cottage. I stood at the other side. We both looked at the vast expanse of light that covered the metro. We stared at the city in silence.

Dead silence. Until I heard my heart beat racing fast, as if I knew what was about to happen. The deafening silence wrapped us for a while. I pretended to watch the lights from the bridges, from the island, from the airport. I tried to locate the lights of the runway.

I glanced upon him as he looked into the bridge lights as well. He moved his head and his eyes seemed to follow the blinking lights from a plane that was about to touch down. His head moved from his left then to his right, he moved his eyes until he stopped. He was then facing me. And then he looked straight into my eyes.

I didn't turn away. I met his stare, even though its dark in the cottage, I knew that his stare was different. Transfixed in some way. The stare was like piercing me to the point of surrender. I suddenly began to feel the shiver up my spine.

I wanted to break the silence. I thought of things to say. I tried to ask him something, of whether or not he liked the city lights or the cool breeze or whatever. I got nervous. I choked for the lack of words to say. I tried not to believe that there's a romantic tension building up between us.

A few silent moments more. I waited for him to say anything. He didn't talk. He kept on staring at me.

Then he moved closer to me. I slightly moved a bit and stood at one corner of the cottage. I pretended to look at the city lights again. He got closer and closer until he stopped and stood right next to me. He pretended to look at the lights too. I felt my hips touching his. His warmth pressed on my side. I began to feel the comfort of his body hugging me.

He moved his right arm and wrapped it around me. His right hand holding my love handle. Dead silence. Electrifying. He must have felt the shivers. And it's not from cool November breeze.

"The city lights are awesome. And so are the stars". He said it as he raised his head and looked above the city lights. I followed on. I lifted my face and looked into the scattered lights above. I was caught in the moment, I forgot how beautiful the stars were.

Then he reached for my hands and led me to a bench at the other side of the cottage. As he sat, he spread his thighs and pulled me to stand between his legs. I saw myself too close to him and I couldn't get out because I was entangled in his stares.

My heart beat faster. My face was already inches away from him. His lips are so close to mine. The dead silence was broken only by the rush of air getting in and out of us. He then placed his hands at the side of my head. He held my face, his thumbs touching the length of my jaw before they traced the softness of my lips.

He formed a smile, as if to ask for a passionate kiss. I pressed my body forward, pressing it against his, as he moved his face closer to mine. I closed my eyes. 

For the first time, his lips touched mine.

We kissed. Deep, long, passionate kiss. I never had a kiss like that. It was pleasurable. It was delightful. It was more than I could ever imagine.

He locked his legs around me. I wrapped my arms around him. We sealed the space between us with intimate kisses. 

And it went on and on. We kissed, unmindful of the chilly night, not fazed by the sheer silence of the moment. The heavens lay witness to our first kiss.

My journey with him was about to be written in the stars.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Treadmill Accounts

Four minutes more then I'm through with the 15-minute run on a treadmill. I was sweating profusely, I wet my shorts and my muscle shirt was sticking to my skin like crazy. Gerald, my personal trainer was watching at the side, as he checked on the speed that I was using. A series of abs exercise was scheduled for me that day.

Gerald always wanted to me to warm up using the treadmill. I am not complaining though. I prefer it over a stepper or a rotex or even a rower. The gym's got a lot of treadmills too. I liked how these equipment are arranged. One could get a complete view of the gym sections.

I picked the treadmill at the second row, near the center aisle. From there, I could see clearly the GroupEx area, the stretching and core, a portion of the free weights and the entire floor where the work-out machines were placed.

It is a perfect vantage point for observing gym rats and gym enthusiasts and the things they do on the side. A panorama of muscles and bodies and sweat interacting with machines and trainers and fellow members. A vast view of people working out and of people in various degree of flirting.

I was inching closer to the end of my warm up when I spotted him at the free weights area. Dino just came from the men's locker room and he went straight to the section where most guys prefer to work out.

He was clad in Nike products once more. Topped with huge black headphones, Dino started to flex and stretch his extremities. I watched him move around the area, checking on the plates and dumb bells that he'd use for his work-out program.

The tread belt had slowed down, I checked on the mill and began to walk the remaining time. By slowing down, I could notice Dino walking towards another member. The guy was sitting on the bench placed in front of rows of dumb bells.

Like Dino, the guy was buff. The chest was massive, biceps were extremely developed. The guy appeared to be in his late 30s. He was in between sets. His gray muscle shirt was wet from the chest down to the pits. As Dino stood closely in front of him, the guy was wiping the sweat off his arms and feet with his pink hand towel.

Dino stood there for a while. I noticed my treadmill had come to a complete stop. But I stayed on the mill for a bit as I waited for Gerald to come and lead me next part of my program.

I continued to watch Dino and the buff guy. Dino was leaning on the plates rack. The buff guy was busy swirling his towel in front of him. They were talking, then Dino would burst into laughter. The buff guy would then move to another bench and change dumb bells. Then Dino would follow him there and continue to talk as the buff guy did his work-out.

Gerald tapped my shoulders. "Sir, are you done? Shall we proceed to the free weights now?"

"Sure. But wait a sec, are we doing biceps and chest today," I asked.

"You're right sir. We'll be doing a lot." The trainer waited for me to step down the treadmill. I picked up my towel and took out the earphones from the mills. Gerald followed me down to the free weights area.

I still saw them in the area. That time, Dino sat beside the buff guy. They were not talking. They were just sitting there. Seemed like I was staring at them for a while. Gerald tapped my shoulder once again.

"That's his boyfriend. A weekend warrior. They work out together."

It took a while before it sank in. I turned away.

Dino could never be mine.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Maya Maya

I saw him walk past through my table. Si Dino, ang mamang naka-Nautica, dumiretso lang sa table malapit sa entrance ng bar. Suot ang itim na baseball cap at tight jeans, sa table ng mga maya siya nagpunta.

Nakipagshake-hands, nakipag-beso sa mga beckies. 

Bigla na lang pumasok sa isip ko ang katagang "tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are."

Meron pang secondary quote: "Birds of the same feather, flock together."

Puro mga maya ang kasama ni Dino. Eh di, siya rin ay isang maya. 

Napangiti na lang ako sa sarili ko. Bakit di ko naamoy ang hasang ni Dino? Bakit di ko na-detect na becky-lou blanco pala siya? Ano na ba ang nangyayari sa gaydar ko? Lowbatt na kaya o wala lang mahagap na signal. Nakakahiya naman oh. Tsk Tsk Tsk.

"Aray," tanging nasabi ko habang kinurot ako ni Jean sa may bandang hita.

"Di ka nakikinig. Kanina pa ako tanong ng tanong sa yo kung kilala mo talaga si Nautica." reklamo ni Jean.

"Nagkikita kami sa gym. Yun lang. We haven't spoken yet to each other. Kilala ko lang siya sa mukha. Once lang nagmeet ang eyes namin. Minsan lang siya nagsmile sa akin. Hindi kami friends. Hindi pa lang," paliwanag ko.

"Ilusyonada. Hindi pala kayo close eh. Feeler!" sabi ni Jean.

"Paki-alam mo. At least meron akong reason kung bakit araw-arawin ko ang pagpunta sa gym di ba? Plus factor na yun. Inspiration kung baga. Ang hirap kaya magbuhat ng kung anik-anik kung di ako inspired. Sayang din kung walang maka-appreciate." dagdag na paliwanag ko habang minamasdan si Dino sa kabilang table.

Ayun siya, matikas, maayos na nakaupo kasama ang mga maya. Umorder si Dino ng isang round ng SML. Nagbubulungan, nagkukwentuhan, nagbubuga ng usok, nagtawanan.

Kami naman ni Jean, parang nagmasid na lang. Nagkwentuhan tungkol sa buhay ng iba, nagpapakalasing sa mga kwentong walang kwenta. Nagpapakalunod sa usok ng sigarilyo at nagpapakalulong sa dagat ng mga maya't mga nagpapanggap.

"Kainis naman kayo. Wala na bang mga tunay na lalaki ngayon? Wala na bang natitirang straight para sa aming mga NBSB? It's so unfair. It's just so so not fair. I hate this!" hinaing ng lokaret na si Jean.

"Gagah. Bakit ka nagrereklamo? Patas lang ang labanan. Equal footing tayo lahat. Lahat tayo merong chance para maka-bingwit ng isda. Kanya-kanyang diskarte lang yan. Masyado lang madiskarte ang iba. Dahil ayaw sa too complex na set-up, sa kapwa maya na lang ang trip."

"Mga maya, trip na trip na ngayong pumatol sa kapwa maya. Walang emotional baggage, walang hang-ups masyado, at least alam ng isa't isa kung ano ang buhay na pinagdadaanan."

"Yang si Nautica, maya yan di ba?" tanong ni Jean.

"100%. Tignan mo, astig na astig pero nakikipag-flirt na sa bouncer. Kinuhanan pa ng pic. Pa-simple lang ang maya," nasabi ko habang sinusundan ng tingin ang mga kilos ni mamang Nautica.

"So what are you waiting for? Puntahan mo na't magpapakilala ka na."

"Ayoko nga. Hindi ko pa kaya. I'm not man enough to introduce myself. Who knows, baka meron na siya kalukadidang. Baka may jowa na ang mama. Baka hindi na siya available," sagot ko na may halong worries at lungkot.

"There's one way to find out. Lapitan mo at magpakilala ka," si Jean naman oh, very supportive.

"Eh, why don't you go ahead, magpakilala ka. Ladies first." pabiro kong sinabi sa kanya.

"Sige ka, baka maunahan ka."

"Eh di good luck na lang," sabi ko habang sinusundan ng tingin ang mga kilos ni Dino. 

Sa table ng mga maya, naaninag ko ang maya't mayang pag-check ni Dino sa kanyang cellphone. Nag-order uli siya ng isa pang round ng beer. Hithit-buga, tawa, hiyawan. Chineck uli ang cellphone. Tila merong text. Tumingin sa malayo at ngumiti.

Nilingon ko ang lugar kung saan siya nakatingin. Nakita ko ang isang maya na naglalakad patungo sa bar. Maliit, naka-checkered shorts, pink and suot na polo shirt, hawak ang touch-screen na cellphone. Tumayo na si Dino sa kinauupuan nito. Nagpaalam sa kasama, nilisan ang mga maya at nagmamadaling lumakad papalayo sa bar ngunit papalapit sa mayang naka-pink.

Nagsalubong ang dalawa malapit sa table namin ni Jean. Nakita rin ni Jean ang nagaganap na tagpuan. Nang nagmeet na si Dino at ang naka-pink na maya, agad namang inakbayan ng nauna ang huli. Sabay nilang nilisan ang MP. God knows where sila pumunta.

Sabi ko sa sarili ko, nabingwit na si Dino. Iba na lang ang huhulihin ko.

Friday, December 3, 2010


Jean flashed a dissatisfied look when she spotted me walking towards her. She was waiting for me for like 48 years since she her last sent message on the phone. Naka-upo siya sa may gilid, doon sa may glass wall ng MP. Katabi niya ang dalawang bakanteng upuan. Sa harap naman niya ang isang bilugang monobloc table. Tanging isang bunch lang ng tissue holder with a 5+1 SML sticker ang naandun.

Kumaway si Jean na tipong atat-na-atat makipag unahan sa pangingisda sa laot ng lalaki. Kinawayan ko siya, habang papalapit, nagmega-explain ako kung bakit late ako ng konti. Ang hirap din kasi maghanap ng parking space sa MP. Tapos ang trapik din sa Gen. Maxilom.

Ayaw tanggapin ni Jean ang justi ko. Late daw is late. Male-late na rin daw siya sa pamimingwit ng hombre. Sabi ko sa kanya, "ang aga pa. ano ba quota mo tonight? dalawa? tatlo? isang dosena?"

"Baliw. Isa lang. Oks na ako sa isang dosena," pabirong sinabi ng lokaret na si Jean.

"Eh abay, magsimula ka na. Timer starts now" sabay adjust ko sa digital watch kong luma na may split second feature.

Mukhang seryoso nga si lokaret. Nagsurvey agad sa scene of the crime. Iniisa-isang tinignan at siniyasat ang mga hombre sa bar kung saan kami naka-upo. Binatukan ko ng slight si Jean.

"Hoy, remind lang kita, not all that glitter is gold. Yung mga mata na naggi-glitter, malamang mga bading yun. Baka nakalimutan mo, nasa hang-out tayo ng mga beckies ngayon" sabi ko kay Jean.

"Ay oo nga. Parang nahihilo na rin ako sa kaka-survey. Pare-pareho ang style ng damit, ang buhok, eh halos magkamukha na nga. Kailangan ba talagang gaya-gaya at pare-pareho?" sambit ni Jean sa akin.

Hindi ko maipaliwanag yun. Ngayon lang ata nagkaganito ang party scene sa Cebu.

Dumadami na ang mga maya. Pabata ng pabata. Pansin na rin ang population bloom ng mga peppers sa ciudad. I think yung iba nanggagaling pa sa ibang lugar.

Maswerte nga yung generation ng mga peppers ngayon. Somehow, medyo open na ang society sa mga katulad natin. Meron nang mga bars na kagaya sa Metro Manila na pwede na mag french-kissing at butt-sqeezing in the open. Hindi na nagugulat ang madlang people kung ang isang hombre ay nakiki-grind sa kapwa nyang hombre.

"Ahem ahem" si Jean, napansin akong napatingin sa malayo.

"Lokaret, nakita mo ba ang nakikita ko?" tanong ko sa kanya.

"Saan? Alin? Sino? Bakit?" kukumpletuhin ba ang mga tanong?

"Yun oh, yung naglalakad papalapit dito" sabay turo gamit ang mabuhok kong nguso.

"Alin? yang naka-itim na shirt, yung tatak Nautica? Siya ba?" napalingon ako kay Jean, tila tumulo na ang laway sa kakasiyasat sa hombre. "Kilala mo ba siya?"

Natahimik ako saglit. Palapit ng palapit na kasi yung mama. Sa porma pa lang, kilalang-kilala ko siya. Tuloy lang ang paglakad niya. Minamasdan ko ang itim na Nautica shirt na nakakapit sa katawan nya. Bakat na bakat ang dibdib. At ang beywang, ang trim.

Napangiti na lang ako. I never expected to see him here.

"Kilala ko siya. I know his name but I don't know him quite yet" sabi ko kay Jean.

"Eh sino nga siya?"

"Itago na lamang natin siya sa pangalang Nautica," suggestion ko kay lukaret habang pinaglaruan ko ang tanong kung bakit naandito si Dino sa balwarte ng mga nagpapanggap.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Kung Bakit Pa Kasi

Dumiretso na ako sa harap ng napili kong locker. Hindi ko na inalam kung nakita ako ni Dino na nagmamadaling umalis sa shower area. Ang mga hawak kong shampoo, underwear at facial wash agad ko nang nilagay sa kikay bag ko. Sa bilis ng kilos ko'y feeling ko malalagutan na ako ng hininga. Anlakas din ng heartbeat ko. Para akong isang magnanakaw tuloy.

Ano lang ba 'yon? Nakaw na pagtingin sa hubog ng katawan ng naliligong si Dino? Pasulyap na pagmasid sa basang hombre habang naglalaway sa pagkaligo nito ng sabon? Nakaw nga ang masasabi kung nanood ako na hindi nagpaalam sa kanya, na hindi pina-alam sa kanya, na hindi nya batid na halos nawala na ako sa tamang pag-iisip at pagkilos dahil sa kakapanood sa kanya.

Hinanap ko na ang jeans and polo shirt ko. Inaantay na ako ng friend ko sa Gen. Maxilom which was a few minutes away from the gym. Habang nagbibihis, dumaan si Dino. Naka-tapis. Niyakap ng tuwalya ang beywang. Half-naked, fresh na fresh. Dumaan siya sa likod ko. Naamoy ko pa slight ang sabon na ginamit nya. Ang shampoo, H&S. Menthol. Sigurado walang balakubak.

Doon siya huminto sa may locker sa likod ko. Halos magkatapat ang lockers namin. Magbibihis siya sa likod ko. Ako naman, sa likod nya. Pakshet naman. Di ko siya mapapanood magbihis.

Suot ko na ang pantalon. Hinugot ko ang pares ng medyas, umupo sa bench sa gitna at inasikaso ang pagsuot ng medyas at ang sapatos. Inayos ko ang sintas ng rubbershoes ko. Tumunog ang cellphone ko. Tumayo ako't hinanap sa locker ang nag-iingay na CP. May nagtext.

Si Jean. Ang classmate ko nung highschool. Tapos na raw siya sa work nya at gusto nang maglamyerda. "Wr n u? Hr n me MP!" text ng bruha. Sinagot ko ng "W8 muna, nagbbhis lng. andyan n me in 15."

"Blisn mo, dming Sda n ri2. Gus2 ko n mag catch ng 1" text uli ni Jean.

Lokaret. Bagama't single since nasa matres pa ng nanay niya, ayan nagwawala at tila sinasaniban na si Jean sa party place na yun. Excited siya masyado. Ako naman, medyo charo santos concious sa pagbibihis dahil na sa likod ko lang si Dino.

Ay hindi pala. Nakaupo na siya sa center bench ng locker room. Di ko napansin. Pagkatapos kong binalik ang cellphone sa gym bag ko, paatras akong bumalik sa bench para umupo. Late ko na napansin na nasa tabi ko na siya. Sa gulat ko, napadikit ang kanang kamay ko sa kanang kamay nya. Buti na lang hindi ako sumigaw at nagtitili na parang fanatikong ulol.

Siya itong nagulat sa akin. Hindi ko pa suot ang polo shirt ko eh. So ayun, skin-to-skin ang nangyari. Nagulat ang mama. Pero nakangiti. Ako naman, trying to compose myself. "Sorry Pre" lang ang nasabi ko. Pero nakangiti rin. Ngumiti lang siya. Hindi naman siya umusod.

Para akong nakuryente. Napatayo. Hinablot ko bigla ang polo shirt ko. Nagmadaling sinuot ito, naglagay ng perfume sa leeg, sa kamay, sa likod ng tenga. Ready na ako. Hinablot ko na ang gym bag ko at iniwan ang locker na nakatiwangwang.

Nasa bench pa rin Dino. Half-naked. Nakaupo. Magbibihis. Habang umaalis ako sa locker room, iniiwan ko naman ang mga titig ko kay Dino. "Alis muna ako ha" sabi ko sa kanya, pero sa isip ko lang.

Tinitigan ko siya. Sa gulat ko, biglang lumingon si Dino. Nagsalubong ang aming mga tingin. Saglit lang. Pero caught in the moment. Na-praning ako sobra. I turned away and headed for the exit. Inaantay na kasi ako ni Jean. Hay.

Kung bakit pa kasi.